Thursday, October 7, 2010

A Tale of Pissed Pants

Having finished watching bicenntenial man and still in deep thought completely normal after any movie I ventured outside my home for my last cigarette of the night as I step outside darkness surrounds me with only the moon to light my path. A cool breeze hits my face and in complete silence you hear a strike of a lighter as my cigarette starts to burn, A couple of minutes pass and it being cold It was my smart idea not to wear any shoes, My feet start to get cold and I feel the sudden urge to Pee having sat through a two hour movie consuming nothing but water. Too lazy to go inside and use the bathroom since it would involve me putting out my cigarette I decide to do what many men naturally do and what nature intended, I find a nearby bush and begin to pee, as a steady stream of piss flows towards this lovely bush I begin to look at the clouds the Majesty of the night consumes me and little did I know I had walked into what some might call a bear trap, feeling something I've felt many times a stringy substance envelops my foot what seems to feel like a spider web and suddenly still at peace I look down to find a brown recluse at my feet, fearing the worst case senario that I would get bitten as if almost human instinct I jump away and shake off the dreadful arachnid, but sadly I did not have time to stop my constant flow of pee. So In a nutshell there I am glad to not have been bitten but it came at a cost, the bottom half of my shirt had been soaked and my PJ's drenched in Pee. I guess to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction but luckily I speak to you now with a clean pair of PJ's and a memory that will remain written in stone of the night I pissed my pants.